RESCUERS in the tropical paradise resumed digging at dawn today hoping to extricate a structurally weakened thong bathing suit from the glacial sized buttocks of an American tourist after hundreds feared the sweat-soaked garment would explode.  Instead, the thong collapsed into itself creating a micro-black hole that buried homes and a crowded school.

	Severe structural stress from this woman's enormous buttocks has scuttled any hopes of rescuing these thong briefs

Fortunately, the only victims of the disaster yesterday were children and their mothers celebrating women's day at the school, who were engulfed momentarily by the enormous buttocks of Virginia resident Eunice Dodkins, age 59.  About 1800 people on the beach were forced to avert their eyes and made the sign of the cross as Mrs. Dodkins and her husband Kelly walked by in matching thongs.  Mrs. Dodkins is five feet four inches tall and weighs 238 pounds, Kelly Dodkins is six feet seven and weighs 430 pounds.

Earthquake experts said a small tremor seen in Mr Dodkins' buttocks moments before the suspected fissure in the space time continuum was not flatulence as initially believed.

"They've been eating hard since last night. Everyone immediately thought 'Oh boy, the fat guy cut the cheese,' but then the universe momentarily collapses upon itself," Colonel Raul Farnacio, in charge of the army's rescue operations, said.

"The synthetic fibers, moisture, pressure, and friction created by the chafing of his thighs must have equaled the temperature of the sun.  A reverse quasar where matter became anti-matter and swallow a small piece of our dimension."

Asked if there were any means to prevent porcine bathers from over-stressing their suits, Colonel Farnacio said laws were for the politicians and he was merely there to direct the clean-up.  He was not optimistic about the chances of removing Mrs. Dodkins thong in usable condition, "It's been 24 hours but you can never tell. Miracles do happen." 

He said 19 deck chairs had been pried from gigantic butts recently, with beach towels often accounted for.

Beside the strain and a lack of heavy cables to support the needed mass, thongs are overfilled far beyond what they are designed to contain, must contend with an enormous amount of perspiration and heat, unstable mud, and friction.

"I felt the earth shake and a strong gust of wind, then I felt mud at my feet," one survivor, Didita Kamarenta, said on radio.

"All the children, including my two children, are lost. They might have been tugged into some bizarre alternative universe for all we know," Ms Kamarneta lamented, "why could they not wear responsible swim trunks?!?"

Traditionally cut swim suits more evenly distribute the heat and stress created when plus-sized individuals frolic in sunny, tropical locations 

Some residents and politicians blamed a lack of pubic trimming and shaving for making yesterday's disaster worse, but the Copa Cobana Times Picayune said asses that large could have been seen to cause an eco-tragedy long ago.

"Unless the nation undertakes a serious thong extrication program, we will be seeing more deadly fissures in the fabric of existence," the newspaper said in an editorial.