Georgette Stiggs fired and indignant letter to the church elders when she saw the irreverent sticker on her 17 year old son Jacob's book bag saying "inappropriate humor" had been used to broach a serious religious issue - the constant and pervasive influence of Beelzebub.  

The elders decried the stickers as "disrespectful" of the serious threat posed by Satan and worried they could encourage young parishioners to begin using their genitals for actions superficially satisfying yet biblically wrong.

"Urinating should not be considered a pleasure in any way," decreed the church elders.

The cartoons, which originally showed the hijinx of a young boy, Calvin, and his stuffed toy tiger, Hobbes, with whom only he could communicate.  The Mister Ed rip-off proved wildly popular and has spawned a cottage industry of stickers picturing Calvin urinating on a variety of objects.

"Obviously, urinating on one's enemies is not a productive solution to settling one's differences," said elder Wyatt Sessions, "even the dark Lord Satan should be treated as you would treat your brother."

The elders also rejected replacing the urination stickers with stickers showing Calvin kneeling in front of a cross.

"We also want to respect established copyright law. We want to say we don't need to plagiarize a plagiarism of a plagiarism to get across the Lord's message of good over evil. We don't need provocation any more."

Around 100 people protested in Salina on Saturday against the cartoons.

Church elders voted to do away with all cartoon like religious material to prevent any future discomfort.  "Robert was a great minister in every way, he just had this bizarre obsession with Calvin and Hobbes.  It just isn't that funny."

 

back

EMAIL STORY