An impending high school reunion has killed its 19th human victim in Texas, a 23-year-old man, according to testimony from the US Department of Homeland Security in Washington, an US Department of Justice official said today.

"We have received the inquiry result from Washington.  Purnomo (the victim) was positive the reunion his spouse was so eager to attend would fall on the same weekend as his annual opening weekend dove hunt in the South Zone," said Hariadi Wibisono, director-general of control of anxiety related fatalities at the CDC, "sadly for him we now know it would have been the following weekend - and to attend the reunion his wife was selling their tickets to see a so-called comedy jam featuring Rosie O'Donnel, Kathy Griffin, and Elaine Boozler. What a pisser."

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